If you live in an area with a large Jewish community, perhaps you or your child have been invited to attend a Bar or Bat Mitzvah. But, if you don’t live in an area with many Jewish families, it’s likely you’ve heard of a Bar Mitzvah but actually have no idea what it is, and have certainly never attended one! We get asked about this from time to time, so we thought it might be helpful to share why we as Messianic Jews have chosen to have our own kids go through the process of being Bar/Bat Mitzvah’d. 

As per usual, we don’t quite fit into the box of traditional Judaism (because our belief that Jesus is the Messiah means we do some things differently) - but from the time our children were born, we knew we’d have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah for them.

Why?

1. To help them identify with their Jewish heritage and people.

2. We see spiritual value in it. 

But. First things first. What exactly is a Bar/Bat Mitzvah?

Bar/Bat Mitzvah simply means “Son/Daughter of the Commandments.”

"Bar" for a "boy."
"Bat" for a "girl."

Typically at the age of 13 (sometimes 12 for girls), the youngster will read from the Torah (first 5 books of the Bible), among other various scriptures. Traditionally, this “aliya” or being “called up” to the Torah marks the beginning of the teen taking on their own faith, and also participating in various ceremonies within the synagogue and Jewish life, etc. In a sense, it is very much a “Jewish Coming of Age” Ceremony. 

Why a coming of age ceremony is needed, especially now.

Short of taking your son into the wilderness to kill his first lion, we wanted an opportunity to look our kids in the eyes, affirm where they are at today and communicate our hopes and prayers for them going forward. There aren't major milestones in modern American life when a teen is surrounded by those who love them, remind them they are making it and give them hope for the future. Enter Bar/Bat Mitzvah.

We take this ceremony very seriously because it’s a milestone moment in their journey of faith and we want to make sure our kids are equipped, affirmed and sent out into their world with confidence. We celebrate our children as part of the Jewish people, and remind them that they are valued and heritage matters.

Despite popular opinion, this ceremony does not MAKE THEM a man or woman. In fact, Biblically young men were not even eligible to go to war until the age of 20. This is simply the beginning of them owning their own faith and committing to living it out. The Bar/Bat Mitzvah is simply a beautiful way to recognize their journey and help them to become the unique individuals they were created to be! We have seen our own children grow in hope, faith and confidence as a result of this ceremony.

Above all else, guard your heart.

Since we are the ones writing this, we can take a moment to interject a bit of our parenting philosophy. There's a great verse that guides us from Proverbs 4:23. It says, “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” That word for "guard" in the Hebrew is the same word used for a fortress or an army. Picture a soldier standing guard atop a wall watching for any enemy coming.

As parents, since the day they were born, we've stood watch, guarding their precious hearts (to our best ability) and keeping an eye out for any negative influences or people who might come against them. As the years progress, we will teach them what it means to begin to stand guard over their own hearts. We want our kids to stand guard over their own hearts and minds, aware of what is going in and out so that they remain focused on the eternal things of God, not being swayed by the winds and waves of cultural norms. We pray this for them as we celebrate their Bar/Bat Mitzvah ceremony.

That's how we feel about our children and their hearts - like an army to protect the wellspring of life: their faith, joy, hope and love for God. This day represents a beginning, and even a midpoint of their life journey. We seek to honor that and make sure our kids are set up for success as they continue down this road.

So, what can you expect when you attend a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? 

It is a ceremony.

What exactly the Bar/Bat Mitzvah looks like depends a lot on whether the Jewish family is orthodox, conservative, reformed - or in our case - Messianic. There are many prayers and blessings typically recited, both by the Bar/Bat Mitzvah and other family members. We think one of the most beautiful aspects of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah is the expression of faith passed down from generation to generation.  The Bar/ Bat Mitzvah will read (in Hebrew) their Torah portion, and then give a brief sermon on what they read and what it means. In our family, our children will also tie their passage into their belief in Jesus.  It marks for them a public profession of their faith. Obviously, this element would not be present in a traditional Jewish Bar/Bat Mitzvah. 

It is a celebration!

Bar/Bat Mitzvahs are typically a dressy occasion, and some parties after the ceremony rival a wedding reception! Come prepared to celebrate not only the huge accomplishment of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah, but also their birthday! Now if you show up in shorts and a t-shirt, you would never be kicked out, but most of the family and guests will be dressed up a bit. There is usually music, dancing, food and even games - anything to make it a joyful occasion!

It is an honor!

This ceremony marks the transition from childhood into adulthood in the eyes of their faith community. As parents, we honor them for this transition and for the hard work they've put in to getting here. What an honor it is to watch them become their own person, owning their faith, growing in wisdom and knowledge of God's Word. We honor them for committing to a year of studying Hebrew every day and for the dedication to their studies.

We are a people of traditions.

As with most Jewish holidays and events, tradition is important. A few traditions of note are:

• At the end, with some music and festivities, we hoist the Bar/Bat Mitzvah in a chair and pelt them with hard candy - symbolic of wishing them a sweet life! Siblings and friends of the Bar/Bat Mitzvah find this tradition especially exhilarating! You should see it take place in Jerusalem!

• Giving cash gifts in increments of $18. Seems strange - but it’s another symbol! The Hebrew letters which spell “life” are numerically equivalent to 18, so somewhere along the line, it became the tradition to give gifts in increments of 18! 

• The passing of the Torah. This is a beautiful tradition carried down from generations. In a simple time known as L'Dor V'Dor, the Torah is taken from the oldest relative, and passed from one generation to the next, until it finally reaches the Bar/Bat Mitzvah. This is a symbol for passing on the eternal word of God from one generation to the next.

And on a more serious note, the beautiful tradition of watching one’s child read from the Bible in it’s original language is something not to be rivaled. While some traditions might hold that a boy becomes a man on his Bar Mitzvah, or a girl becomes a woman, we see it more as a significant right of passage that values individual profession of faith and an important step in the journey of spiritual growth that will continue over a lifetime. 

Do you have a Bar/Bat Mitzvah coming up? We hope this was helpful to understanding and prepare for such a significant ceremony. More than anything, may you have the opportunity to celebrate your faith in the company of family and friends!

L'chaim - To life!